Positive Thinking for Calvinists

by IanBlack (Author)

• Used

  Paperback
  2005

  $3.28

  At last! A touch of light relief for those depressed and done down by collections and collations of doomy and gloomy Scottish sayings. Positive Thinking for Calvinists will provide you with an umbrella against the constant drizzle of pessimism, a barque to shelter you from a sea of troubles, a helmet to protect you from the crapstorm, with questions like: When you return to your house after a useful day's toil and you discover your minister on the kitchen floor, shagging your wife, should you: A) Shoot him; B) Shoot her; C) Shoot both of them; D) Say to your wife: 'Arch your back, woman, and get the meenister's testicles off that cold floor.' D is obviously the right answer as he is a Calvinist and, therefore, can do no wrong, at least in his own eyes, and, as a bonus, you will no longer have to endure his hours of ranting from the pulpit about the sin of adultery and the fires of hell while he is staring meaningfully at you and his wife. Another question: which is the worst type of Calvinist? A) Fat; B) Old; C) Hairy; D) Related. You will need to refer to Positive Thinking for Calvinists for the answer to that one. And you might be surprised. You might even, God help us all, crack a smile or two dozen. Remember that wool grows just as fast on lazy sheep and, forbye, hard work sometimes pays off in the future but laziness works right this very minute. It is time to be positive.