Media Reviews
Naomi Starkey is a sympathetic, wise and realistic companion, helping the harassed modern mother find God's grace amid the chaos. Veronica Zundel Whether you're feeling fairly or barely or simply not at all 'good enough' when you begin to read, I am certain that by the end you will find yourself happy to be the mother God has made you to be, doing the job as only you can and using the unique qualities that you have. Lindsay Melluish From The Church Times - June 2009 Christian parenting is a popular topic for a certain type of publisher these days. Sarah Johnson has done it; so has Arrne Atkins; and now Naomi Starkey, respected writer and editor of the New Daylight Bible Reading Notes has joined in. She is a Christian, obviously, and a mother of three; so that may seem reason enough to add her name to the list - but her book is not a practical parenting manual for Christian mothers. Though there are tips on managing temper and practising self control, the aim of the book is to help stressed mothers find God in every situation and - that most alien of concept for the mother of a three-year-old - feel a sense of peace about our own mothering. The book uses as its framework a text from Galatians: 'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.' Each chapter then takes one of these attributes and looks at it in the context of motherhood. Mothers are much more likely than fathers to suffer from the 'am I good enough?' paranoia, reckons Starkey: it can kick-in immediately as crossness and exhaustion replace the initial elation at the new birth. The pressures of modern parenthood then continue to erode it. And she asks some very challenging questions: how pushy should a Christian mother be? Is it wrong to have earthly ambitions for your children, or should your only aim be to help them find their own faith? lt is a joy to have these questions taken seriously. In answer to these, she suggests, gently, that the hostile tone of 'ambition' be replaced with 'hope', and that mothers be open to God's call to do other work, too, beyond the seemingly all-in-all demands of mothering. Starkey writes as someone who has seen her eldest child through to adulthood already. Time, she suggests, makes it easier to look back and see the part God has played in our family life. So, after reading this book, did I feel good enough? Well, in one sense - as I gave in to my children's demands and served pasta for the fourth time that week - no. But, fundamentally, the book reminds us that in God's sight we are good enough; and that affirmation provides the solid foundation for the work of mothering our children. A sympathetic, easy-to-read book for mothers of any age, and its chapter-by-chapter discussion guide at the back would make it a good choice for women's groups too. Reviewed by Rebecca Paveley From Challenge, No 615 - March 2009 The joys of motherhood Parenting can be a challenge! And mums today have never been busier. Author Naomi Starkey knows this only too well. A working mum with three children, Naomi is also a Christian. No matter what the age of your children, she says, we never stop being their mothers. But do we ever feel good enough or really up to the job? Naomi explored the emotional and spiritual side of mothering in her book 'Good Enough Mother'. She considers how God is at work even in the most discouraging situations and how he can guide us in this most important role of being a mum. Here's a brief extract which applies equally to dads! Trying (out) our patience We all know that parents need to be patient - or as patient as they are temperamentally able to be. One of the classic anxieties people express about caring for children is 'I haven't got the patience!' but it is amazing to see how often this attribute can develop in the most unlikely of individuals, over the years of family life. Do we ever think, though, about the importance of long-term patience, the patience we need as we wait to see how our children will turn out? Will that half-tamed little bear cub grow up into a civilised almost-adult male? Will that angry, scratchy kitten develop into a poised young woman? It s interesting to note that the very first definition Paul gives of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is that it is 'patient'. The love that God gives us for our children - and the love he has for us - is quintessentially patient, even though we may not sense that as we wait for a six-year-old to find and put on their school shoes, or remind a 13-year-old yet again to tidy their room. Celebrating love as patient is particularly important as far as ambitions and hopes are concerned, because if we are patient it means that we continue to hope, pray and to wait as long as necessary for our children's personalities to unfurl fully and their individual gifts to emerge. During some seasons of life, patience will require us to hold our nerve, count to ten and restrain ourselves from saying all that our irritation or disappointment provokes us to say. Rather than the 'instant makeover' approach beloved of so many TV shows, patient yet hopeful parenting means slow parenting, with slow (and not necessarily steady) changes. We have to be willing to work at the pace of the gardener, who improves the soil, plants and prunes and waits for the roots to grow deep, knowing that the flowerbeds will not start to look their best for another year or so. The messy in-between stages are frustrating, but they have to be endured. There are no real short cuts, no 'quick fix' solutions, but instead the call to be faithful to the parenting task with which God has blessed us. From Christian Marketplace - November 2008 A book which really isn't for someone like me, but which I think has a great deal of merit for a inclusion in a feature on parenting, is Good Enough Mother by Naomi Starkey. Indeed the author says in her introduction, 'This is not a book about practical parenting skills', it is more for reflection and encouragement. It's not for me because it is clearly a book for mothers, and a great book for encouraging mothers it is too. I found myself laughing aloud at some of the situations Starkey described and remembered looking on at similar ones as a sometimes-bemused Dad. I can also see them recurring now as I watch my daughter with my grandson. Starkey uses the device of 'the fruit of the Spirit' to address a series of common concerns and anxieties mothers at all stages face; a particular one is 'am I good enough?' and she deals admirably with this one. There are chapters on dealing with fluctuating emotions, being rested, and handling ambitions for your children, that deal with the issues in a positive and encouraging way. There is also a session plan for using the material with a group. It's due out in January 2009 and is worth keeping an eye out for.
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