Toilet Papers: Wit, Wisdom and Wickedly Funny Stuff for Reading in the John

by KenWeber (Author)

• Used

  Paperback
  2000

  $12.25

  Conveniently categorized and ranging in length from one line to three pages, the writings in this commodious compilation help you make sure that your, well, waste time isn't time wasted. Popping into the facilities for a couple of minutes? Enjoy an obscure and edifying anecdote from the quirky Shifts of Wit or infamous last words from Going Out in Style. In for the longer haul, tone up your mental muscle with a short mystery from Awaiting Your Solution, take a frontal-lobe-lengthening Trivia Test or ponder a Pen-Free Puzzle Poser. Ken Weber is a master of minutiae, a blacksmith of irony, an unrivaled archivist of arcanum, a head librarian of head liberation -- he's a hoot!

  Samples from The Toilet Papers

  from Not Their Finest Hour
  March 1978, Arlow, in County Wicklow, Ireland: Owing to a striking lack of publicity for the annual Arklow Music Festival, only one choir showed up for the event. They came in second. It seems the judges felt the Dublin Welsh Male Voice Choir should be punished for arriving 45 minutes late.

  from Emerge Informed
  At the end of the First World War, life expectancy for humans was a mere 48.4 years; goldfish, by comparison, could look forward to 50.1 years.

  from Shifts of Wit
  No question about Muhammed Ali's reputation as the greatest. But on the downside, the mighty always have farther to fall. Shortly after defeating Sonny Liston for the heavyweight title, Ali boarded a Pan Am flight for London. Minutes before takeoff, a flight attendant reminded Ali to fasten his seatbelt. Superman don't need no seatbelt, said Ali. Superman don't need no airplane, either, retorted the flight attendant. Ali did up his belt.

  from For Deposit in Your One-Up Account
  aposiopesis (a-POZ-ee-oh-PEE-sis): The act of lapsing into complete silence in the middle of telling a story.

  from Shifts of (Unintended) Wit
  Lost donkey, answers to the name of Harold. Very attractive, dearly beloved by owner. Last seen in a nun's outfit. (The Bulletin, Antwerp, Belgium)